Dark Side in My Heart Is
by LyraDhani
Summary: Just like how Rin doesn't know Yukio's struggle as an exorcist, there are a lot of things that Yukio doesn't know about his twin. (As it turns out, he's not the only one).
1. Chapter 1

"I don't believe the Order, Yukio," The corner of Rin's mouth twists up, a smirk that can only be interpreted as mocking, dark blue eyes glinting as he looks away. "_We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far_."

It's just an irresponsible offhand remark, like how a person would hate their younger brother's boss if the boss overworked his workers. But the words said after the remark really catches Yukio's interest. He hears them somewhere before.

"H.P. Lovecraft," Yukio realizes. "Nii-san, I don't know you like literature."

"Ah," Looking bored, Rin casually responds, "I used to tell you stories, remember?"

Yukio doesn't. The past years have felt like a blur, to be honest. Time always move too fast for him to catch up. Always filled with _Not strong enough_ and _to protect. _

There are memories of his training, the man he proudly calls father fighting by his side, and a whole of of demon exorcism, but no matter how hard Yukio digging it up, the precious moments he spent with his family is more like a stain in the paper. Even his childhood is fading away, and Yukio right now is nothing like the kid he used to be, who easily cried and hid behind someone's back.

(He does remember Rin's broad shoulder, from the eyes of a little kid. _To protect_.)

Yukio examines Rin, who sits in front of him, struggling and failing to focus on his homework. He tries to picture it in his mind, two little kids in the corner of the room, the older brother telling a story and the younger brother listening with wonders in his eyes. Sounds like a good memory.

But, this is _Rin_.

"I thought you only read mangas," Yukio speaks bluntly.

Rin's bored expression doesn't change, shrugging it off. It irks him off. It's as if Rin has gotten this reaction a hundred times already.

"You especially liked Alice in Wonderland."

Yukio _likes_ Alice in Wonderland. It's actually quite embrassing, though, so he doesn't tell it to anyone. Out of habit, Yukio ends up blurting, "I don't. Didn't, I mean."

Rin stares at him.

Yukio stares back indignantly.

"Well, it's fine if you don't want to admit it," Rin chuckles. He does some scretches and jumps to his bed. "I am done with the homework today."

"Nii-san, you've only worked on it like, ten minutes."

Another chuckles. "Yukio, _how long is forever_?"

Ah, a reference to Alice in Wonderland. Yukio sighs in defeat. "_Sometimes, just one second_."

"Good night, Yukio."

A few minutes of silence, then Rin already goes to the land of dreaming. Yukio watches him.

"Good night, Nii-san."

Unlike Rin, sleep doesn't come easily for Yukio. Especially on nights like this, when his mind is wandering everywhere, to Wonderland, to Land of Cthulhu, to the past that must be still restored somewhere in his mind.

He only sleeps for three hours that night. He dreams of a white bunny carrying a clock, falling head first into a black sea, Rin's voice carrying over, "_Wish good-bye to the poor hare, and come and look for blackberries_."

When he wakes up, Rin is already awake, eyes half-lidded as he sits down in his bed and stares into space.

"Nii-san."

Rin glances at him, then smiles, not a particularly happy or cheerful smile. If Yukio has to describe it with one word, it was '_vacant_'.

"_I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."_

If Yukio is nothing like the kid he used to be, he wonders how it is with Rin.


	2. Chapter 2

"Rin!" Kuro screams.

Rin's head snaps at him, looking alarmed. "What is it?"

Kuro isn't looking at Rin. He's looking past him, to the fence of the rooftop Rin's leaning in, and thinking how fragile human body is. If human fall from this height, they'll die, right? Rin is half-human, but still-

A few seconds ago, looking at Rin, leaning dangerously to fence, almost like he was ready to fall, Kuro could swear his heart stopped.

"It's..." _Dangerous_. he hesitated. "I am hungry. Let's go home?"

Rin blinks. "Oh, geez, you don't have to scream so loud, I almost had a heart attack."

There are a lot of things Kuro wants to say in respond. He decides not to say anything.

It's only when Rin is far away from the fence that Kuro let his guard down. He tries to relax, even as his heart still beats a little too fast for comfort.

"What do you want to eat, Kuro?"

Kuro half-heartedly lists off any food that comes to mind. The truth is, he doesn't feel like eating anything. In fact, he feels nauseous.

He'll never understand Rin's love for high places.

It's fun spending the nights like this. Sometimes, in someone else's rooftop or the top of some building, Rin would tell him stories. Kuro especially loves the way Rin's eyes shone as he recited a line from Wizard of Oz, his voice rose in excitement as he described the adventure of the Little Prince, the bright smile in his face as he recount the tale of the Little Red-Riding Hood. Kuro loves spending nights like these with Rin. Just the two of them, as if they own the world.

Until tonight anyway.

Because before, when Rin looked down to the ground, gazing into something unseen, Kuro suddenly remembered a particular line from the fairy tale of a boy who never grow up. _To die would be an awfully big adventure_.

Kuro feels it again. This nasty feeling that he can't get rid of. "Rin."

"Hm?"

"Look up. The stars are beautiful."

Kuro never noticed this before. Now that he fully takes in the wonderful view of the night sky, he wondered how he could miss it, considering the irregular amounts of time he spent loitering around with Rin at the nights Yukio doesn't come home.

Rin looks up, the sight of the moon and the stars reflected in his eyes. "Yeah, it's beautiful, isn't it."

"_The second scar to the right, shines in the night for you, to tell you that the dreams you have, really can come true_," Kuro quotes.

Rin laughs. Kuro watches the glimmer in his eyes. Yeah, Kuro absolutely loves moments like this.

"_Second star to the right and straight on 'till morning_," Rin says, probably quoting another line from Peter Pan book. Kuro honestly can't tell. He doesn't memorize every lines. He laughs along with Rin, looking up to the stars.

.

.

.

.

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A/N: sorry for the long update, long story short, I forgot this account existed.


	3. Chapter 3

If Mephisto doesn't know better, he would have tought Rin is corrupting the air they're breathing into, the music he made is so enticingly beautiful, it feels like he can touch the melody if he tries hard enough. Rin is holding the shamisen as if it's natural for him to do so, his fingers moving the bachi through the strings with practiced ease. This is such a weird sight. Anyone would have said that. Shamisen, such an elegent instrument, isn't supposed to fit in with Rin's brash nature. It's as weird as seeing Yukio beaming with childish delight. Ugh, even just the thought of it gives him headache.

Rin's expression is calm, gentle even, as soft as the tunes he pours, but Mephiesto can tell the song means anything but.

"Sing," Mephisto orders.

Maybe it's because of the shamisen, Rin doesn't do anything childish like throwing tantrum with pointed fingers, instead his annoyance conveyed through his too-blue eyes.

Mephisto chuckles. It can't be helped then. He leans back in his chair, closing his eyes. Recalling his memory, he hums, matching his tone with Rin's melody.

Then, he starts to sing.

"_Let me sing a lullaby,_" Rin's eyes widened. But as expected of experienced hands, his music doesn't waver. "_As you close your eyes. And as you're drifting off to sleep_."

He thinks of two children, innocent and helpless. He thinks of the burden they have to shoulder. He thinks of Shiro, always fighting againts the world.

"_How I hope that the dreams you find are bright_."

Mephisto smirks at Rin's disbelieved expression.

"_Only... In my dreams_

_Do we meet again_."

The melody stops then. Mephisto misses it already.

Rin put away the shamisen stiffly, whatever elegance he displayed before evaporates so quickly as if they never happened. How interesting.

If Mephisto doesn't know better-

"So, what do you think?" Mephisto asks. "She's such a fine lad, isn't she?"

Rin scowls. Hesitantly, he answers, "She's very beautiful," Then, with a half-dazed look, he asks, "It was a female cat, wasn't it?"

"The finest quality," Mephisto confirms.

He looks like he wants to throw up. And this is very interesting as well because not only Rin knows how to play it, and profesionally at that, he also knows the implications of what it means.

"So, will you take her?"

Rin bites his lips. "I will."

He holds the shamisen with shaky hands, carrying it as if it's a fragile little thing. And maybe it really is. Maybe, she will break, without Rin's gentle hands, without his fingers guiding her. Before he steps out of the office, he looks back, teary-eyed, looking like he just kicked a puppy. "Mephisto, can I really-?"

"I am not the one who decide that," Mephisto says, getting annoyed. He doesn't understand why human have to be so indecisive sometimes. It's a trait of Yukio that he least expect to see in his brother. "When I first saw her, she was screaming, it's the ugliest sound I've ever heard. But now, she's laughing, see? She likes you."

"Yeah," Rin said softly. He still looks like he wants to cry. "Yeah, I'll keep her."

And at that, he closes the door with hunching shoulder, almost in a reminiscence of his twin brother.

Mephisto leans back to his chair, sighing. He stares at the ceiling, gently humming.

Strangely enough, it's not Shiro or the twins that he thinks about as he keeps replaying the melody in his mind.

It's the face of _that woman_, smiling, weathering, wailing, cradling a dying cat in her hands like it means the world for her.

A/N: Alright, y'all this is the last chapter, hope you like this fic


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